where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is Oprah even human
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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