We won't sleep together?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
