I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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