i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
