Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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