have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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