Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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