Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
