I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
