Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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