I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
