You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
