Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize