Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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