I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
