As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
