I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
