whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
