the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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