see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
operation harelip BJ is a go
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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