Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
