I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I lost the right to judge tonight
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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