at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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