Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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