i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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