Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
