So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
