i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
