So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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