ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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