Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
