when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
