She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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