The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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