why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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