so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
