Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
