we made out on top of his cat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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