Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
from now on my penis is your penis
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
