I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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