i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
