Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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(502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j

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(917): View more from New York City

Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

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(917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.

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(973): Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California. http://tfl.nu/4mjs

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(770): View more from Georgia

I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

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(770): I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them http://tfl.nu/31n4

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(631): View more from New York

the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama

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(631): the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama http://tfl.nu/szy7

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(714): View more from California

dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.

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(714): dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/j38h

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(937): View more from Ohio

A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.

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(937): A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining. http://tfl.nu/4mc3

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(406): View more from Montana

Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink

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(406): Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink http://tfl.nu/w6xd

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.

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(+44): I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince. http://tfl.nu/7pny

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(972): View more from Texas

Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.

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(972): Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention. http://tfl.nu/nbnk

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(661): View more from California

I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.

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(661): I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere. http://tfl.nu/qnta

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(301): View more from Maryland

FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.

(727): View more from Florida

MAS TEQUILA.

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(301): FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE. (727): MAS TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/9ggd

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(585): View more from New York

By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.

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(585): By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some. http://tfl.nu/uaz4

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(510): View more from California

can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night

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(510): can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night http://tfl.nu/2hja

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever

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(+44): I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever http://tfl.nu/y8hk

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