I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
