Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
