i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line