Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!