is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
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I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings