just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters