Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog