24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
