Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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