Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
