id be glad to
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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