According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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