We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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