Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
