My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
