omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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