my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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