Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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