I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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