I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
