i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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