garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
