the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont even know how to be here
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
